WHAT A TERRIBLE WEEK

As you know, I have been waiting a long time for July to arrive!  It was very disappointing when Jason told me he spoke with the counselor and she still could not confirm or deny that he is eligible for parole this month.  Really?  It's been months since he asked her to check into and verify it.  So she told him she would have to "check with the parole board."  Well, good luck with that, since they seem to be an entity that can only be found on an entirely separate plane of existence.  Ugh.  This brought up all sorts of negative feelings for me...fears really.  What if he's not eligible until January?  What if January comes and he is denied?  WHAT IF HE NEVER COMES HOME?  But I can't think like that.  Not and keep functioning, anyway.  So I pepped myself back up, put on my positive hat and kept going.  Until today...

No call from Jason.  Well THAT never happens.  It's extremely rare.  There's only one good reason he would not call, and that would be if he were being transferred to a transitional center or was released.  It wasn't that.  I called the prison and asked if any of the dorms were on lock down.  Of course, his dorm is.  Why is that so distressing?  Because it is a 3-day weekend, and I was planning on visiting him tomorrow (4th of July) and Sunday, too.  At that point I was trying not to panic.  Sometimes lock downs don't last very long.  Unfortunately, a dear friend and fellow visitor texted me a bit later to let me know that the warden of security told her his dorm would be on lock down ALL WEEKEND.  There goes my weekend.  :*(  We very rarely get 3-day visit weekends.  Visitation is only on weekends and holidays.  And I am 99.9999999% sure that Jason had no part in the cause for this lock down (which was a fight).  Typically when things happen in his dorm he is at work.  But they all get punished, and in this case friends and family are punished, too.  He is miserable.  I know he is.  He does not know that I know why he didn't call, so he is imagining that I am freaking out.  He's probably to the point of vomiting if he hasn't done so already (his reaction to stress). And he is hot.  So hot, because when they lock down, they lock them in their cells, and they don't have doors like you see in the movies that are made of bars.  No.  They are solid doors with glass windows.  No ventilation.  And it is hot.  Georgia summer heat kind of hot.  And there is nothing to do in his cell.  No TV. No card playing.  I think, and I hope, he has a book to read to get him through the weekend, but I am not sure.  No phone calls.  No visits.  Nothing.  My baby is suffering.  Alone.  All I can do now is pray that by some miracle they change their minds and stop the lock down before the weekend--and visitation--is through.

And he does not do well when he has to go two weeks without seeing me.  Time in there is like an eternity.  But I am powerless.  And sad and lonely without him, too.  This has to end soon.