The breakup, also known as the end of Chapter 1

When I was young, I had a bit of a temper.  Jason got me over that in one heartbreaking minute.  We had an argument, the topic of which is irrelevant, but in that moment he saw something that scared him...He now jokes about it and says the "alien" came out of me.  I love to hear him make fun of this (now that we are reconciled) because he is the most fantastic story-teller, and it is so outlandish and ridiculous that it's hilarious!  He describes the alien that pops out of me complete with tentacles and provides sound effects.  At the time, however, all I could see what his seeming indifference to me.  I don't remember what was said exactly.  I know the result was that I broke up with him.  He was shocked.  And I didn't see him for 3 days after because he had gone out of town.  Of course, by the time he came back to town I had cooled off and tried to make things right, explaining why I had been so angry, that it was a misunderstanding, et cetera.  Although he heard me out and was never anything but polite to me, he was done.  I couldn't understand how someone who loved me so much could simply walk away and never look back.

It wasn't until years later that he told me he learned this ability from his father, having witnessed the ending and aftermath of a close friendship his father had with someone.  He described it to me like flipping a switch. Just done.  Over.  That's not how I'm made, so I struggled with this explanation.  Then he reminded me also that he had been 20 years old at the time, an immature guy who was scared at the deep feelings our relationship stirred in him.  

So here's what happened to me:  For a couple of weeks, I could barely function.  I kept telling people I was just trying to breathe.  Literally.  I didn't talk much about it.  I couldn't.  But at my day job I would suddenly break down for no reason at all, scaring my sweet 50-ish boss who was not used to witnessing such displays of emotion.  Someone that Jason and I both worked with came to my "rescue" and attempted to pick up the pieces.  Sadly for him, he had no idea what he was in for.  That person, who is now my ex-husband, would repeatedly tell me over the years that he thought I would just get over Jason in time.  After a couple of months he couldn't understand why I still cried myself to sleep every night.  He told me it was not normal.  I now realize I am not normal.  I was just dealing as best I could.  Then one day my mind had had enough.  

I woke up one day with dissociative amnesia.  Having already earned a B.A. in Psychology, I recognized immediately what had happened, although it was extremely frustrating and disconcerting.  I knew who Jason was.  I knew who I was and ultimately what had happened with us.  But I could not recall a single memory about our time together.  I would try to focus and force myself to recall anything, and it was as if an invisible wall would come up.  This is a coping mechanism.  Strangely it did not make me feel any better.  I was still sad, still devastated.  But not being able to remember was part of the healing process, I suppose.  It lasted about two months, and then very slowly over time my memories started to trickle back.  Even now I have not completely recovered those memories 100%.  I may have some bits and pieces, and I will ask him to fill in the rest for me.  

During this time, I would see Jason occasionally.  We no longer worked together but had common friends, and I would always get news through the grapevine.  His 21st birthday came and went, and I couldn't believe that I was not there to share it with him.  At this time I felt that there would never be a reconciliation for us. He had moved on in his way, and I was forcing myself to make a life without him.  Always empty without him.  That was the last time I saw him for quite some time, because something terrible was about to ROCK his world and take him away for a long time...